A Drop in the Bucket

Ok, so I have a morning of two observations.  They seem at first to not be related but the more I think about it the more I think it is showing something profound.

Both of these observations happen as I walk to the gym this morning.  The first happened as I rounded the eastern side of my apartment complex.  Directly next door to my building is a daycare for toddlers.  As I crossed the street I am greeted by 4-5 two-year-olds.  They grasped at the bars of their protective fence like inmates at a local penitentiary.  Instead of getting catcalls I was greeted with a constant barrage of “hi!” “hello!” “hi!”  I walk along the fence observing there faces which are full of joy and anticipation to what my response is going to be.  I responded with a smile and a wave.  This just made them redouble their effects because as I got farther and farther away I kept hearing “hi!” “hello!” “hi!”  It made me smile because of the innocent and simple joy a child can bring to someone.  Before the world spoils us, or our fallen nature continues to mature in us, we have an innocence that lets us trust others so completely.  Now none of those children know who I am but it didn’t matter they were just curious and happy to see what I would bring to them.  Would I greet them or just walk on?  Would I stop and push them on the swing?  Who knows?  This does carry a danger for the child because one cannot just trust anyone in this world but in that lies the point.  Hearing those “hi!” “hello!” “hi!” voices reminded me how it should be.  In the garden we were created with a perfect relationship with God thus we could trust all.  We are all born sinners and those two-year-olds will show this with possible biting or hitting of one another at some point.  The great thing is we can still see some of that hope that we were created for something more.

The second observation happened 3 blocks latter on the street adjacent to my gym.  From a block away I could see the flashing lights and I knew there was an issue.  As I came to the intersection where the two cop cars were parked I saw a man sitting on a park bench with two police officers standing over him.  The man was dressed very causally with a black beanie on his head.  He sat legs spread and arms stretched out on top of the wooden bench.  His whole physical demeanor reflected raged and a sense of familiarity to his current situation.  I never heard what the police officers were telling him but I saw them stand him up, put his hands behind his back and slap handcuffs on him.  I don’t know what he did.  There are tons of homeless who wander the area and there is a huge problem of car theft as well.  I started to reflect on how I have walked these three blocks hundreds of times with no issue but that does not mean nothing will happen.  Our world is fallen.  I would love to be like those children at that daycare and say “hi” with a smile and sincere joy but the reality is that the world does not work that way.  I can attempt to love everyone but that does not mean I do not realize that there is violence in the world.  That does not mean that I do not realize that all will reflect back what I give out.  This morning I saw two sides of the spectrum and am reminded how beautiful humanity is and how completely scary it can be.

It is truly funny that the one day a year you get away with looking like a freak is Halloween.  I just watched my fellow employees leave for lunch.  In the group was the Golly Green Giant, “Jack” from Jack in the box, Randy Savage (a girl dressed as Randy Savage), and all three elves from the Rice Crispy box.  Today people will watch these individuals with laughter and maybe even want a picture with them.  But if you walk around like this next month people will probably call the local hosptial to see if they are missing patients.

Halloween also makes me think of my childhood.  When I was young everyday was like Halloween to me.  I was always somebody like superman.  I had a cape that my mother made me.  I would run through the house with my cape flapping behind me.  To me though it was not the house but my city to protect.  The way I ran from room to room showed I had a distinct flight plan.  Fly past the kitchen table just missing the corners and vear right into the living room stopping just shy of the fireplace.  I was a boy on a mission to save all those action figures I had left throughout the house.  I had to make sure and get them safely back into there home AKA my room.  The joy of fantacy and creativity when your a child is a joy to remember.  I would hope that somewhere in myself I still can visit those creative worlds.

I do not enjoy running.  Well, let me clarify I like the result of running but I do not enjoy the actual process of running.  I easily become bored after 10 minutes when I finally find my stride.  All the minutes up to that point is a battle against my body.  It  seems to think I am trying to kill it while I am actually trying to develop it.  An ipod helps with the boredom but I still have to focus on keeping the pace up.  I have to remind myself to breath in a rhythm and avoid cars when I cross the street.

The thing I love about running is the constant mental focus it requires.  I have to focus my mind on running another mile instead of giving up.  There is no room for multiple other thoughts.  Sure some little thoughts leak in at times but I always come back to the focus of finishing my run.

One of my biggest problems in life is that I think too much.  I become obsessed on the little things in life.  Worry likes to creep in and camps out in my mind.  The elements that really matter seem to fall a way and I am become so concerned with things that I don’t have control over or can change.  This is why running is such a great reminder and encouragement in my life.  A run forces me to forget all the little things in my life and just focus on finishing the run.  Some historical church father’s used fasting in the same way.  In denying themselves food it took their mind off things they were trying not to think about.  We all need reminders of what is really important in our lives and what is just worrying for worrying sake.

Running does give a person that chemical high, which can make a person seem like an addict.  But I still contend that it is a good therapy to work through concerns in your life or maybe even deep seeded anger that a person does not express.  Go for a run and see what you find.

I love the brilliance of a deep message given in such a simple way.  I read this the other night and had to share it.

On a day to day basis I seem to always look ahead to the next thing that I want to do in my life.  I had to check off my list of accomplishments because otherwise in my mind I am off pace with the world’s timing.  Well the timing I am told to have.  I rush to that next point in my life and forget the wonderful things that are around me.  I have discovered something very special in the act of walking 2 miles to work every other day.  What I have discover is I see something new every time I walk to work.  I didn’t realize I live only 5-6 blocks from a ballerina school.  I discovered a man dancing alone in his garage to song from the 20’s.  One of the coolest things about that story is that he was playing music on a record player that look like it was from the 20’s.  I once even discovered a female belly dancer at the corner of a major intersection in downtown.  I felt bad for her because it was 90 degrees out and she was not thin.  Her dress was more like an evening gown so it looked like it would create a lot of internal heat.  I love the fact that I get to see strange things as I slowly walk to work.  I would not notice these things if I drove by going 45 miles per hour.  It seems crazy to walk for 40 minutes when the care would get me there in 10 minutes but that is kind of the point.  I am not looking for the most efficient way to do something but maybe the healthiest to my way of life.  I want to remind myself those morning walks to work why I am here.  I want to take a moment in a hectic schedule to remind myself of what is important.  If you fly by life at 45 miles an hour it is hard to remember why you do the things you do.  Take some time and slow down.  You may be surprised in what you find.

Where is my grip?  Whenever I attempt indoor rock climbing this is constantly on my mind.  I am hanging there for dear life only a foot off the ground trying desperately to find where my next grip is located.  When you climb on an artificial wall they color code the grips so you know when your climbing a beginners route or an advanced one.  This is some what comical because when you are a beginner you feel like your trying the advanced route.  As you twist your body and try grabbing these grips that at times seem like a mental patient’s toys were glued up there the thought often comes to mind, “can I actually grip that?”  After falling many many times and I take a break I sit back and watch the other more advanced climbers.  I don’t know how to articulate grace and beauty as I watch these men and women use their body in such a unified and disciplined way.  At times it doesn’t even look like the climber is even straining himself as he moves to different holds.  As one hand moves over the next it almost mimics how I might move up a latter.  A simple set of steps that I don’t even think of, “right leg, left arm and so on.”  I begin to yearn for the time when I could maybe do that.  The act of climbing without thinking.  This is a lie though because climbing just as life does not move this way.

Climbing often mimics life because I can remember how I thought I would have a grip on a lot more things in my life by now.  As a young child I would look at my parents and see people that seemed confident and safe.  I would watch television and movies as I grew up and the hero would always have stuff much more together by the end of the show or movie.  As I grew I just always assumed that when I was older I would finally have a grip on things.  I would finally grasp so many secrets of maturity, courage and confidence.  I would finally look around and say to myself, “life makes sense!”  I am 27 and it still doesn’t make sense.  I still feel like I don’t have any kind of grip on anything.  I still find myself assuming, “well, when I grow up it will all make sense.”  I can sense those of you reading this are starting to nod your head.  We all want to come to a point where there is no more fear or distrust.  The truth is we are all scared.  We are all carrying our baggage even if we are working through it.  I don’t wake up one morning and stop hating people.  I don’t wake up one morning and stop lying.  Those things are constantly there.  I might be more aware of them but they don’t disappear because of anything I do.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I will never come to a point where life finally makes sense and that I have all the confidence in the world in what I am doing.  I will always be testing out grips on the wall of life trying to hold on and keep climbing.  The trick is to never give in and just fall because your scared or a grip slips out from under you.  Life is full of ways to tell you that you should have a grip on it but the truth is that you can control very little.  We are busy glorifying our exploits and forgetting that God gets all the glory.  There is a great beauty and comfort to me that no matter how much I learn I will never figure out the mystery of God.  It is a reminder to me to stop trying to get a grip on life and live it.  Look around because it can pass by pretty fast.

So I stretch out my right arm and push with my left leg reaching for the next grip on the wall.  Life might make sense one day and then the next a complete frustration.  Just remember the grips are not what define and secure our life.  They are just points on a path and grips on a fake rock wall.  Keep climbing.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

I really do enjoy the movie “When Harry met Sally.”  What I love the most is it illustrates a point many just don’t get.  Men and women can not be friends.  Now I know many of you are going to just our right disagree with me stating that you have plenty of male or female friends.  Well lets just take a moment to define some things shall we.  First of all I have to add some things to Harry’s thoughts.  Men and women can be causal friends but I emphasis the word CAUSAL.  Men and women can not be growing friends.  What do I mean by this?  Well if you are hanging out regularly or talking to this person of the opposite sex regularly you are in a growing friendship.  Ask any guy how often he talks to his best friend (that is male), maybe 2-3 times a week.  Ask that same guy how often he talks to a women friend that he considers his “best friend.”  My bet is that it is double the amount of times. 

There is something to do with sexual tension that develops between two people of the opposite sex.  If this person becomes your favorite person to talk to it is only enviable that one of two things will happen:  A) you two will realize that you both want more than friendship and date/marry.  B) One of you will have an unhealthy attraction (this is usually the males) to the person and the friendship will end.  A person can deny what I am saying but they would just be kidding themselves. 

If you look at problems with infidelity, a lot of those problems started with one of the partners confiding in a friend of the opposite sex when they should have been telling their significant other.

Now I am not bad mouthing men and women “friendships.”  Some of the best people I know got married because they were these type of friends and realized they wanted more.  This is my point that everyone realizes the road they go down when they start talking to the opposite sex more and more.  This is a free warning to all you out there that if you have a completely platonic view of this guy/girl then realize when you might be spending too much time with them.

Honestly, this is a fun topic to bring up in front of a group of both sexes because so many people disagree about this subject.

Getting sick is a very frustrating thing.  I mean who wants his head to fill with fluid and his nose to run.  I know I get a rush when my head feels like it is about to explode.  Lately there is even another degree of annoyance to getting sick, because if you have a cold or slight flu one thing is asked when you have a regular cough.  “IS IT SWINE FLU?”  Now, I understand that it is a problem but first of all swine flu is another flu that is treatable.  I don’t want to get it but it seems to be harder and harder to avoid.   Everyone seem so terrified of it like it is the Ebola virus and you will die.  The thing is what I have found out about it is that if you do get sick you go to the doctor and get medicine.  Then stay away from people for a few days.  It is annoying and inconvenient but not really life threatening.

I was sick this last weekend with a small flu that turned into a very frustrating cold.  Every time someone found out I wasn’t feeling well they asked in such a concerned voice, “Is it swine flu?”  I wonder if this is a good example of the power of the media and people starting to panic without all the facts.  It is extremely easy to hear a simple sentence that might be a fact and run tell the next person you see all about it.  Another good example the news reports Obama is pushing government run health care so that all Americans can be covered with a form of health insurance.  A person hears this and depending on their world view says one of two things: 1) “Oh thank the Lord Obama is going to save us from our payments on things.  Finally I won’t have to pay for my house and all my troubles will just get so much better.” (This was a paraphrase of a woman interviewed at an Obama rally last year.)  2) “Obama is a socialist which is going to put us all under government control like the Nazi did to Germany in World War II.” (Again this is a short paraphrase from an article I read a few months ago that compared the Obama administration to what Hitler did when he gained power.)

I now these are two extreme cases but they kind of prove the point.  Media can say they are just reporting news and have no biases but how they say something influences millions of people.  That is a huge responsibility as of late has been lost by most media stations.  It is like Britney Spears saying “I never wanted to be an influence on any teenage girl.”  Well you are.  Denying you have any power does not change the fact that you do have power. 

I conclude by asking how much do we actually know about the facts that we spread to others?  You hear Obama’s plan for Heath care is great.  Well who told you that and where did they get their facts?  You hear Obama’s plan is a way to create socialism in America.  Ok who told you that and where did they get there information?  Ask questions, read and get off the TV long enough to understand what is happening around you.  We were all born with this wonderful thing made out of gray matter and honestly we need to be challenged to use it more often.

DISCLAIMER:  I used the Obama Health Care issue as an example not a soap box to state it is bad or good.  Do some research and find out for yourself.

I have a brief memory of my brother and I in our old toy room in the Netherlands.  Our whole family lived in a duplex in the middle of a completely Dutch neighborhood. The duplex had 3 bedrooms with one converted into a toy room.  I think secretly my mother hoped that the mess of our toys would always stay in that room.  On this particular day I remember that my brother and I constructed armies to fight one another.  The uniqueness about this situation is that our armies were not made up of green plastic casted soldiers but every toy we owned.  I lined up my Transformers in there own division because one could not mix the Transformers with the Thundercat action figures.  They just did not fight the same way.  I had my division of unique Lego constructions that would hopefully out flank my brother’s troops.  In the back were my old He-man toys and Fisher-price toys which I did not like very much so to me they would be the reserve.  You have to understand to me in this war with my brother I had to put my favorite and best toys up front and the less desirables in the back.  I lay stretched out on that oddly shaded green carpet with my army covering half the area of our medium sized toy room.  But who would lead this rabble bunch?  Who had enough courage and knowledge to beat my brothers horde of barbarians?  I could not lead them I was not a toy, so I picked my oldest and dearest toy.  I picked my teddy bear.  He was the general who I made a body armor out of the building blocks toy called “constructs.”  (If someone actually remembers constructs my hat is off to you.  It was a linking building block toy kind of like Connectx but when put together looked more like the steel framing of a building).  The funniest thing about this memory is after my brother and I had set up our armies we never moved them, throughout the rest of the play time we just talked about what we would do to the other army.  See the fun was in the set up and the creativity in my own mind of how I would win.  How I miss the simple afternoons with my brother (when we got along) where we would play with our toys in the most creative and random ways.  I wonder some days how those kinds of creative acts transcend to adulthood.

An explosion of light emanates several thousand feet above me.  I try to see what it was but the flash of light is already gone.  A flash now to the right of me and again I miss what caused the brilliant glow from the sky.  As I walk home and stop trying to find the source of this occurrence I see the most amazing display of lightening on a group of clouds in sky directly in front of me.  In that small moment I can see the puffy mounds of these night clouds as they pass by.  I get to experience the unique electrical stroke across the sky.  We live in a time of science and reason but I still fall to a state of awe when I see the heavens shoot lightening bolts across the sky.  I know meteorologists will tell me that it is the friction of the earth and clouds as they pass each other.  The reaction of the negative and positive being connected for a brief moment by an electrical arch.  Just a normal occurrence in this world … nothing really that special.

It is at this point I start to wonder.  Can a person learn too much about something and take the mystery and awe away?  Last night I sat in wonder and awe at the power that came from heaven.  Does anyone do that anymore or is it just a thunderstorm?

I study at a school that prides itself on teaching the bible.  A student spends years learning original languages, they learn theological views, and they learn practical applications.  A student spends years studying, learning, discussion and reading the Bible.  I had one fellow student call it a mental boot camp because of how extreme the demands can get.  The reason I mention it with the image of a storm is can all this study and knowledge become so wrapped up in explaining God but we miss the simple awe of Him?  I think the school is necessary for what i want to do with my future but I have to ask the question.

God is learned about in His word but he is also experienced through this world.  Let us not forget the awe of His mystery when we study His word.

Coffee seems to be the elicitor that we as American’s chose to wake us up with.  When I wake into work at 8 am there are three pots of coffee already brewed by the time 8:30 rolls around 2 of the 3 pots will have been emptied and refilled.  I am not a constant coffee drinker in fact this morning is the first time I have had a cup of coffee in a week.

I do find it interesting as I drive to work I can see 2 different Starbucks that will have a long line in there drive through every morning.  We as American’s value our morning cup of Joe.

When Starbucks first became popular they did research to find out why they were so popular.  The founder was hoping it was because they made such a fine cup of coffee.  It turned out that it was because of the environment they created.  People loved going to the coffee shop and watching other people.  The stores would be crowded because people would feel more upscale and fancy in a Starbucks. 

Now, I know that there are many of you who have your favorite flavored coffee (for some reason people can’t get enough of caramel macheato’s) but think back to why you go.  I know through out my undergrad degree I would go to sit and talk with friends for hours about very geeky things.  As I am school currently for my Master’s I use a coffee shop as a place to study and still be around people. 

Over 50 years ago coffee was bought for 65 cents a cup and today you can pay up to 5 dollars for a cup of coffee.  There seems to be a lot of worth put into a morning or evening cup of coffee.  I just wonder if we are paying more for a comfortable environment than a good cup of coffee.